the game

I get a text yesterday, "can you help?"..."we need you tonight", what am I to say...no? no, i say yes.
it takes about an hour to get ready, put on my gear...stretch my limbs to enable myself to assume the positions of a prepubescent cirque du soleil contortionist, get focused, pumped up and leave the world behind with my 30lbs of eye watering smelly sweat drenched gear balanced on two thin blades. i love this game...this challenge as violent as it may seem...it's all for "fun"...fun! something inside on me, the thrill seeker i guess drives me to place myself in between the "pipes" guarding the holy grail of the game, the sacred gateway to Valhalla...it's a solitary position...no one else will do it, or wants to. they can't seem to understand what it is having the weight of all that is within the ice, sitting on ones shoulders, what it feels and looks like when ten people come rushing down at breakneck speeds, half trying to help the others trying with all of their adrenaline filled childhood fantasies of defeating what is mine...i crouch poised, focused, making my reality become that of a slow-motion film scene, ready to defend what is mine...having to react in less than a blink of the eye...ready to stop and or be struck by a piece of hard rubber flying at 70+mph...you will not get yours this time my friend and foe, the next, we will see, but this time NO...
sometimes it can be so lonely down here with no one around to play with, talk to...reassure me that it was they who let ME down this time, not I...but soon once again for the 20th or more time in the night i will be the most popular guy on the ice, even though half of them try to break my will, make me afraid, second guess myself and what it is that i do. sometimes it will pass by, and leave me with the feeling of mental anguish...guilt...disappointment...shame...pain...but tonight once again i'm the one that stood between them and the holy grail of the ice, the sacred gateway to Valhalla...they're the ones who leave in shame, disappointment and pain...next time, they think, "we will break him down, test his will once again"...next time...we'll see, I'm thinking no...

intro to life as of now...

it's me again...victore, or am i...me that is, not him...student as of now, citizen by design, jewel thief in the mind...ahhh to hold the ruby, the emerald of the city, the pink panther of my dreams...soon the riches will be mine all mine...

the truth(s), to some it's not what they think...i like my pink bikini briefs, my wife and sons make fun of me...what do they know? i think grass is evil...it leads to heavier drugs...